Bathrooms

By Icka! M. Chif

There's just something about bathrooms that are funny.

Check out 'Bathroom Humour' under any Internet search engine and you're bound to come up with at least 20 entries. There's a section in the local bookstore devoted solely to it. Two sections if you count toilet training. And I've yet to meet anyone who's been able to read 'Everybody Poops' without at least cracking a smile, if not busting a gut laughing.

Names are great too. I remember nearly falling down laughing when I first heard about 'Going number one, or going number two' when I was little. Just off the top of your head, how many terms can you think of for this simple and necessary act? Bet it's more than five. And that's not counting for the noisier bodily functions.

People's behaviour going into the bathroom is funny too. Great fun to watch and laugh over.

Uhh... Perhaps I should explain myself before you start to think I'm some sort of pervert or worse.

I just got a new job, cleaning up the filing at a manufacturing company. Believe me, it needs it. But it's boring work, going through each and every file, pulling out what's not supposed to be there. So I do things to keep my mind busy. Puzzle over the meaning of life according to Monty Python, figure out how much slime could a slimeball slime if a slimeball could slime balls, and if I'm in a really bad mood, just how much TNT it would take to blow up the place and if I'd get a better explosion with an overloading proton pack.

I also watch people. After working retail for several years, I'm stuck in the instinct to look up from what ever I'm doing if anything moves. Unfortunately, I'm stuck in a little tiny cave comprised of several filing cabinets under a loft. The only people passing by are either on their way to the boss' office, to my right, or the bathroom, on the left.

The people heading for the bathroom are much more interesting to observe.

It's like people don't want it public knowledge that they have to go to the bathroom. There are usually two approaches to going into the bathroom. The first one is to slowly walk up until they reach the door. Then they pause and glance around like they're a kid stealing candy from a candy counter while their hand is on the doorknob. Course, they never see me, always look in the wrong direction. Silly. Then after that, they step inside and shut the door behind them.

It's the same thing when they come out too. The door opens and they look both ways, as if crossing traffic on a busy street. Only then do they step out, and quickly like they don't want to get caught being seen coming out of there. After a few steps, they slow down and proceed where they're going like normal, mission successful.

The other approach to walking into the bathroom is a lot more fun to watch. Where as the first approach is casually slow, and willing to talk to anybody along the way, the second approach is a lot faster. The person usually walks ramrod straight, and is moving quickly, just under the speed of sound while trying hard not to look it. If asked a question during this approach, the question is not heard in favour of reaching the facility sooner.

The exit is much slower, more casual. They tend not to look around, but have a more relaxed and satisfied air around them. Only then are they willing to talk and answer questions.

One can usually tell what was done in the bathroom as well, just from how the door is left open. If it was a particularly smelly one, the light tends to be left on, with the door half open in the hopes of airing it out. Or it's mostly shut, leaving a surprise for the next person. And then there's the occasional "Do NOT go in there!!!" followed by much expressive waving of arms and embarrassed grins.

After the second approach, the door also tends to be left wide open as if in celebration.

Since my observations here, I have adjusted my own approach to the bathroom. I no longer look around use the first or second approach to enter the bathroom, but instead walk up as if I were going anywhere else and after a strange mix up at a former job, pause long once I'm in side to make sure the doors locked behind me.

Being the only girl working in two warehouses full of guys, I was told to use the customer's bathroom. Which is on the other side of the regular bathroom and next to the supreme high commander's office. There are some advantages to this, like it's cleaner and the faucet's higher allowing me to refill my water bottle easier. (*Grin* The cycle continues...)

There are a few disadvantages to this as well. Often times, it's locked because the high boss isn't there. Which means I have to use the regular bathroom.

The guys don't seem to mind as long as I leave the toilet seat up.

Fin.